Facing the Impossible

Immediately upon hearing her words, tears welled up in my eyes and frustration and anger burned within my heart.

I miss the next part of the conversation because I’m looking up to the sky asking God…”really??? you WERE supposed to reveal to the doctors what is going on and you don’t? really??”

She stops speaking.  She said, Ms. Wikle did you hear me? Megan’s CT Scan was normal except for a small twist in her intestines.

I told her I understood her, but didn’t understand what could be causing all of this.

It’s a process she said.

I shake my head and by now, tears are streaming down my cheeks.  

My heart hurts for my daughter.  She has endured so much and is just now 18.  This last year alone has been filled with test after test only to hear "everything is normal." First her stomach was paralyzed and then 3 years later, something DIFFERENT is causing her food not to stay down but NO one knows what it is…. 

Really??

Frustrated I ask what next.  2 more test are ordered.  One of which was done almost exactly a year ago.

We are journaling what will stay down.  2 teaspoons of grits, 4 spoons of mashed potatoes.  4 oz of applesauce or yogurt, 1 spoon of scrambled eggs with the hopes that it can help them to see or think of what could be going on.

Really – is this the life she is destined to live?  

I don’t understand, I don’t know what God wants us to see.  My heart is filled with what Lord, what do you want?

After much prayer and saturating my heart with verse after verse, I realize I may never know, I realize thing may or may not change and she may never eat more than that. 

I know God is faithful and only God’s grace will get us through.

We are facing the impossible. 

For comfort, I search the scriptures for those who faced the impossible.

• Children of Israel – faced death by Pharaoh’s army or death in the Red Sea – impossible….but God stepped in and brought them safely to the other side of the sea.
• Esther and her entire race of people faced death and their fate was sealed by the King – impossible….but God stepped in and prepared the way for them to defend themselves.
• Elijah stood alone and faced hundreds of false prophets – impossible….but God was on his side and that was all he needed.
• Daniel faced hungry lions because of his faithfulness to pray – impossible….but God shut the lion’s mouths and gave Daniel the peace that only God can pour out.
• The 3 Hebrew Children were tossed into the fiery furnace that was so hot, the guy that opened the door was burned to death – impossible….but God walked in the fire WITH them.
• Sarah longed for a son and God had promised her and Abraham that their seed would exceed the grains of sand and stars in the sky and now she was past child bearing years – impossible….but God gave her a son and kept His promise
• Abraham was asked to make a sacrifice – of his one and only son – impossible….but God supplied a lamb upon seeing that Abraham was willing to offer up his son as the Lord had asked.

Impossible……

With God all things are possible:

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me

Jeremiah 32:27 - Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?

Genesis 18:14 Is any thing too hard for the LORD?

How long will this continue? I don’t know.  

Will more tears fall? Yes – until she is healed, fixed or whatever needs to be done for her to consume a normal meal.

Do I trust God with her? yes…completely.  It’s all I got and thankfully it’s all I need.

Will I cry out in frustration, anger and ask why? Probably.  I’m a mom and we hate to see our children suffer.

I will continue to pray, to saturate our family in prayer and trust the Lord as HE can bring us through the impossible.

Will you pray with us? 

Will you trust God through the impossible with us?

I can only imagine the ministry that He has prepared for Megan as a young lady.  I pray daily that God will give her the strength to continue on this journey so that God can get all the glory.

I know God will use this and HER in a mighty way.

We will face the impossible….but we are not facing it alone.

Thank you Lord for the mercy and grace you pour out. I trust you with my family.  Strengthen our faith and love as we walk this journey together. in Jesus name I ask...amen.

Megan and Gastroparesis

It's 2010 and many are asking about Megan and how she is doing. Here are the entries from her journey in 2009. Again, my heart is amazed at how many people stepped up, encouaged, prayed and still to this day, ask me - how is Megan. Lets journey back to November 2009. Shall we? Love having you walk and talk with me. It inspires me.

It's November now. Meg's doing well. Her stomach is working again, she is eating and digesting. It (her stomach) had stopped working completely. No liquids, no solids - nothing would digest, everything would come back. As bad as that was, as hard as that was, the worst part was that 2 doctors didn't believe us. 2 doctors said, you are doing this to yourself. Imagine, one Doctor, that has known her for her entire life, telling her that "if you'll simply NOT throw up, your food will digest" or this is in your head...etc. etc. etc. Never had we had a problem with our pedatrician beliving us, until this. Even though we told her doctor that she "held" her food in - YES - HELD in so she would not throw it up, for SEVEN hours on the fourth of July, sadly encough, he still didn't believe us. I could see it in his eyes. I could see it all over his face. He thinks she has been purging all these months. She has not. I am with her each time it happens.

Anyway - back to November. She has been on medicine that cause her stomach to work, but at such a high price. The pain it brings is horrid. I see it all over her. Everytime I force her to take the meds, she has to endure pain so that her stomach will work. I know there are so many parents who are going through so much worse with their children. I simply can't imagine some of the grief many parents go through day in and day out. My heart goes out to you as you hold on to your precious child. As you journey through each day, one day at a time. As your heart is fearful of tomorrow.

I get a letter from a friend. One who is supporting Spreading Joy but feels like he needs to send an extra blessing along with the letter. It says not to think, just go with the blessing. I don't have to think...I know what to do. I want my princess to have peace in her stomach. I want her to smile again and be your normal, typical teenage girl. I want her to have some good times of pure joy.

I don't have Meg with me. It's Saturday night. I gaze at the letter. "All who touch it will receive a blessing. " I want Meg to have it. She needs to have this. She needs to smile, laugh and have a good time. I contact Richard Mayhan, a fellow prayer warrior and friend who God has used to help round up prayer warriors on Meg's behalf many times. He knows that on Sunday afternoon, when we go to the altar and pray with Meg, we are praying for special healing and pure joy for her. I take the letter to church on Sunday. I'm not at my own church because of a death in the family. Many family members are there and I get separated from Steve and Meg. I'm reading in my Bible in Matthew where the faith of the friends heal the sick. I message that verse to Richard and he says that he is there, reading that as well and so is another person. To stay there, pray there - keep my faith right there. That so far 10 people have agreed to pray with us when we go to the altar. He is tweeting and asking who will pray. I continue to pray that I would have enough faith. That I wouldn't wouldn't be the reason Meg misses out on a blessing of healing. There's 17 that have agreed to pray. All I have to do is say when we are going to the altar and people all across the United States will pray at the exact same time. I sit in my pew in awe at the amazing friends I have, at the mighty God I serve. Meg has struggled so much this year. Her heart has hurt as badly as her stomach because we couldn't get the doctors to believe us. I hear back, 26 people are going to pray. The service is almost ending. My heart is racing as I hear 35 people are going to join us in prayer. I give the word, we go to the altar - for a while we - Steve, Meg and myself are the only one's praying. WE don't wait for the Pastor to invite us, no..we go. Both Steve and I pray for our Princess. Meg holds the letter. We ask for healing for her stomach as well as her heart. We want her to be a happy normal teenager again. We get done, head back to our seats. I get the word that including Steve and myself 47 total people prayed at the same time for Megan. Amazing love for a little girl that they have not even met.

Now the faith begins. We leave, go to lunch. I do not give the meds. She hates them. They hurt her so badly. She eats and the food stays. A week passes, two weeks passes. Still, food staying. No meds, no tears, no "but Mom", no I need pain medicine. None of it. I watch and laugh out loud - wow!! She is eating me out of house and home. I'm giggling and thinking goodness....a few months ago I was forcing her to have milkshakes every day. She says if she never has another milshake, it will be too soon. 4 weeks passes. She is doing well. Eating. Gaining weight. While she doesn't like it, I'm loving it. Christmas Even rolls around. The excitement of her brother being home, the festivities, the day itself. It gets to her and she is sick on her stomach. Christmas day, she is sick for several hours. Am I swayed - no.

It's now the END of January and Megan is doing well. (It's actually the beginning of April now, and she is STILL doing well!) No medicine and yet still digesting. The Doctor had told us this was always going to be an issue. That she would always have a problem. And - maybe she will, who knows....but right now, as far as I believe, her stomach is working, on its own - thanks to My Lord.

Oh, the wonderful friend that sent the blessing. He was part of the 47 that were praying for Meg, withOUT knowing that I was using the blessing he sent. I had the honor of telling him sometime later that he was more instrumental than even he knew. That was a great honor and joy.

If you have Gastroparesis, we understand. We believe you. We know how hard you struggle. Our prayers are with you. We will do all we can to help you walk down this path, and to have joy for your journey. WE will walk with you.

I love prayer warriors. I love the faith of my friends. I love how God gives us the desires of our heart. What is it that you need? What are you praying for? We prayed all year long for Megan. Don't give up. Gather your friends and pray - but don't give up. Keep going before the Lord, don't give up. Keep asking, don't give up. Keep gathering with your friends and praying - but what ever you do...don't give up...keep praying.

What do you need?

Thank you for your friendship, love and care for my princess! I'm blessed to have you in my life!

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me. ~Author Unknown

This Blog article and other information about Spreading Joy Corporation - an IRS Approved NON Profit Organization can be found at www.spreading-joy.org See you there!

Launch of NEW Web Site and Blog site!

WHAHOOO!!! PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!


http://www.spreadingjoycorp.com/ and this blogger site have been combined to one place. I think you’ll love the new layout! The blog articles are listed on the left side, the main web pages, events, what we are up to etc are across the top of the header.

I’m always looking for new ideas, new ways of spreading joy and would welcome any suggestions that will make the new site better and more fun to meander in!

IF YOU FOLLOW THIS BLOGGER BLOG, PLEASE GO OVER TO NEW SITE (right now)AND FOLLOW THERE!!

It is http://www.spreading-joy.org/

You will love it there! You can subscribe by email. Click on the subscribe button on the left column – there is 2 tabs, choose the far right one. I know…lots of trouble, but hey…Spreading Joy's worth it…don’t you think? (grinning..very cute adorable grin)


I LOVE MY FOLLOWERS AND WANT TO KEEP YOU! But not sure if I can keep posting at both places or not!!

Thank you for your support, for your encouragement and for walking on this journey as we look for ways of making a difference right where we are, using what we have!

{{{HUGS}}} for your journey!

Cheesy Glory of Pizza!

Oh, the Cheesy Glory of Pizza

Is there anything that brings more joy to a teenager than pizza? Really – is there? Ok, yes, there may be something like getting their license or their first car. Maybe driving off for the first time without a parent in the vehicle is better than pizza. Wait…come to think of it, for a teen, anything without a parent may be better than pizza.

But back to the purpose of the blog post.

After not digesting anything other than liquids for 3 months – Megan enjoyed Pizza for the first time AND kept it down Wednesday night!

I’m so thankful for your prayers, your emails and the tweets that have encouraged us through this entire ordeal! The question is what now? Her next Doctor appointment is August 26th and we will find out more then. But until then - she will stay on currents meds and keep eating solids!

The research I’ve done says that she may go back and forth fighting this for a long time. It is probably going to be a long battle and that she will have to make dietary adjustments for the rest of her life, but this slice of pizza – this is a huge win!

Will there be future texts that says – Megan is having a hard day, can you text her? Maybe. Will there be the phone calls that ask for prayer because the digestion has stopped again? I don’t know. Will there be the 2 am tweet that cries out in the night for a hug because the battle has been long and the heart is heavy? Possibly. There are a lot of theings that I do not know, but something that I do know is that I’ve had an incredible support group that has held us up in prayer. I know that God is still in control and that miracles do still happen and your love and support has blessed my heart so deeply that I could never express my gratitude completely!

My heart can never say thank you enough for your prayers, love and compassion for a 14 year old teenager that just wants to be a normal kid and that I love with all my heart!

You are amazing at spreading joy!

Kindness in words creates confidence;

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness;

Kindness in giving creates love.--Lao-tzu

Photo: Megan's actual slice of pizza!

Gastroparesis - Update

I realize that the "Spreading Joy Corporation" blog may not be the "best" place for these types of update - but if just one other person can relate to what Megan is going through and it helps them to find joy in their journey, then it is worth it to me. Besides, if we can't talk about every step of our journey with friends, family, twitter friends and such - then who can we talk to them about? If you are here, you are at the very least a friend.

Here is the latest on Megan and where she stands.

The Doctors office did finally call and Megan did show some digestion on her scan this past Wednesday! Now, its not a lot, but it is a start.

He is going to continue her medication, deep relaxation and pain management techniques. The relaxation and pain mgmt is due to the fact she has been removed from ALL pain medications as they tend to relax her stomach and we need it to contract. Also - the insurance has denied the zophran - which helps to ease the nausea caused by the extremely strong antibiotic that she takes 3 times a day. They will not even approve 1 a day - only 24 for the month and she needs 3 a day. We are in "official" appeal mode but that could take a month.

She has also got to learn to "relax" (in a good way, not medicated) her stomach before eating so that it can do what it needs to do.

She has been eating a few ounces of pudding and yogurt and while it "hurts" her to eat it, she is keeping it down. She is now up to mashed potato type food for the next few days and then we can ease her into more of a solid after that continues to do well. Being the typical teenager that she is and the fact that she loves to eat, she really wants pizza. If she continues to keep down 2-3 ounces of mashed potato type soft solids, then we will get her a very small slice of pizza that she will take an hour to eat.

Jeff over at Bear 2 Care 2009 has issued his readers a challenge to stay away from pizza for 5 days to encourage Megan - to let her know that she is being thought of and prayed for and a time will come when she can have pizza again. It's a goal to shoot for!

Her next appointment is Aug 26th and I am concerned that the pain of eating that has been there for 2 years is still there and wonder if/when it will ever go away...and if this wasn't one of the "causes" to begin with. Also she will be starting school around that same time. Right now she lays down and completely relaxes 35 minutes prior to eating and will not be able to do that when school starts. We need wisdom and direction as to what to do for her for that.

Thank you for your prayers, tweets and emails of encouragement. You keep us going! My princess has such a long way to go, but I know she will be one amazing lady on the other side of this! She already is!

Photo: Megan playing w/statue at last Dr. Visit

The Joy of Gastroparesis

Megan had her appointment with Dr. Pinerio with the Levine Children's Center today and we left hopeful!

He believes this is Gastroparesis.

According to the Mayo Clinic's website Gastroparesis is "a condition in
which the muscles in your stomach don't function normally.
Ordinarily,
strong muscular contractions propel food through your digestive tract. But in
gastroparesis, the muscles in the wall of your stomach work poorly or not at
all, preventing your stomach from emptying properly. This can interfere with
digestion, cause nausea and vomiting, and play havoc with blood sugar levels and
nutrition. No available treatment can cure gastroparesis. Dietary changes
and certain medications sometimes help control symptoms of gastroparesis, but
they're not effective in every case. And the available gastroparesis drugs can
cause serious side effects. Researchers are investigating other types of
therapies for gastroparesis.

He is going to use Erythromycin and Zophran to help treat it. She will take these 30 minutes before 3 meals - which right now is 4 ounces of Ensure (Yummie!!!) She will finish the other 4 ounces a few hours past that. The Erythromycin will also help her stomach muscles to contract - and push the food to small intestines.

In a week or so, we will move towards yogurt. We will stay there as long as we need to - until she feels like she can move to soft foods like mashed potatoes, yummy cheesie grits and oatmeal type foods.

We will keep progressing from there. He explained to her that she will need to re-teach her stomach to accept food - which I had already discussed with her.

She will be doing a 2 hour Gastric Emptying Scan where she eats a small amount of food and then her gift of holding in vomit will have to kick in for 2 hours. They will scan her and see if she is digesting anything at all. This scan will take place July 29th. She will have been on the new meds for 9 days. He will then decide if we need to up the medication or if she still has zero digestion, he said the Gastric Pacemaker would be an option. It is just like a pacemaker they use for the heart - just on the stomach.

This will be a long process. She will have to do some pain management techniques in addition to the meds and thanks to some great people, we already have some relaxation items on hand to help her.

She is tired of the Ensure, but willing to try. She is still skeptical because nothing has helped.

Thank you for how you have rallied around her (and me) and lifted her up in prayer. There is no way that I can tell you how encouraging it is to hear we are praying for you during this time.

I'm so grateful for all of you! I am so blessed to have friends such as you!

Megan is at camp. She will not have the energy nor the ability to participate in the sports but wanted to go.

A million *hugs* and *kisses* would never be enough to say thank you for caring, lifting us up and for being there anytime we needed you!

I am Completely awed by your compassion.....

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.”
Pablo Casals quotes

Completely Awed by the Prayers for Megan!

I'm coming before you to say thank you for your prayers for Megan. People at my work, people at my Church, friends and family members! Your prayers are what is getting us through this time of not knowing what is going on with Megan. Every time you pass me and say I'm praying for Megan - I was encouraged. I also passed that information along to Megan and again, it encouraged me.

I must take a moment to express my utter respect for those that I follow on Twitter! I absolutely can not name ALL of your names, but YOU have touched my heart so deeply today! It is hard to find words great enough to express my deepest feelings!

A brief history on what you are praying for:

Megan's stomach trouble started 2 years ago. Horrible pain immediately after eating. Her GI quickly diagnosed it as IBS and gave appropriate medication. I never believed it was that but the medicine helped some, so we went on about our merry little ways - dealing with the pain as needed.

In March of this year, we returned to the GI with nausea and he upped her Prilosec. Ordered Endoscopy and biopsies to be taken. All came back clear. No cancer, no bacterial infection no nothing - all "normal". April Megan started vomiting her foods several times a week. Dr. then upped her Bental and ordered more tests. All "normal". In May the several times a week turned into each meal that had meats in it and other "hard" foods. Soft foods like cheesy smashed potatoes, good ole Southern Grits, yogurt, pudding, eggs and the like were ok. Megan was given a Gastric Emptying Scan. She was required to eat more food than she has been able to keep down since April. She ate and was scanned. An hour later another scan. The next scan was the hardest. After many tears because she couldn't "hold down the food" any longer they took the scan and she immediately vomited. She told the technician she threw up less than half of the food. The 4th hour scan showed that only 39% of the food was gone. (Well last time I checked - 39% is less than half!) Finally - a test that showed NO digestion. I just knew that our prayers had been answered and resolution would soon be on the way!

The beginning of June Megan was admitted to hospital for 2 days for observation. She was given Reglan 3o minutes before each meal and still - vomiting of all solids was taking place. So soup for "snacks" it is. Before leaving the hospital - we found out that mashed potatoes and grits were no longer staying down. Even though the Dr. was thinking Gastroparesis - his lasts words to me was - I've never seen this and I don't know what to do. Sent me back to our pediatrician for a referral to another specialists.

We have waited on this appointment for July 20th at 1:3opm for 5 l-o-n-g weeks now. And now - yogurt, as of last week, is not digesting. And as of last night 7-17-09 - liquids are officially having to be "held down". (she can really hold in her vomit...truly) She wants to drink but the pain of the liquids going into her stomach is to great. The nausea that goes with it is so hard to bear. She is sleeping alot today to get through this. (4 ounces an hour - not working. No worries though, if need be, I will take her to ER for hydration.)

Present day - (finally - you say...get to the point!!!) Ok, already. I sent out a tweet this morning asking for prayer for wisdom for the new Doctor on Monday. Told about the liquids now giving her problems and then it happened.

#prayers4megan being tweeted about over twitter!

I know there are so many children out there with terminal illnesses. I know I can never in a million years understand what they or their mothers are going through! One thing I'm certain of is that I would not have made it through these past few months with out prayers!

Few people knew about Megan way back in March. Then a few more and a few more. This morning, after a sleepless night of prayer - I knew I had to ask for prayer. I knew several would step up and answer but I had no clue how those acts of joy would affect me!

My eyes swelled with tears as I read tweet after tweet of people asking for prayers for Megan. Then - names I didn't even recognize started showing up. (I must happily say that I am now following those people - because I want to follow great people like they are!)

I showed my husband the outpouring of your prayers and he was in complete awe by what he was seeing, as was I!

I come to you today to humbly say thank you! It has always been (and will always be) my goal to be spreading joy to each of you but today...I was a recipient of such a magical gift! I realize that I must be diligent about spreading joy because of the encouragement and inspiration I received from your acts of joy! I must not tire, I must not fail. I must press on! And with God's help and your prayers and encouragement - I believe I can do so.

If you have prayed for Megan - thank you!

If you have asked others to pray for Megan - Thank you!

Megan thanks you too!

A million thank yous could never be enough! Never!

YOU are great at Spreading Joy!

"Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others." Brian Tracey

Thank you guys for sharing!

Photo: Mother's Day 2009 Marie & Megan

For Megan

The pain in her stomach
Is reflected on her face
Lord, What she needs now more than ever
Is a double portion of your grace

Her laughter and her smile
Have faded away
Now that her blue skies
Are an awful dark grey

Her future is bright
There’s so much love that she gives
But the pain over throws her
Making it hard to fully live

The search continues
For answers each day
Hopefully relief
Will soon be on the way

Then the love will shine
So strong and so bright
I know she’ll be glad
That she fought a good fight

The difference she’ll make
Because she has been there
Will be told for eternity
With luster and flair

A Princess in my eyes
My pride and my joy
Will help those who are hurting
With diseases that destroy

Keep fighting my Princess
Stay strong and devoted
You’ll do great works
You’ll often be quoted!

You’ll make a huge difference
Just you wait – you’ll see
I know this for a fact,

Because you’ve made a difference in me!



I love you Princess. I'm fighting for you!



Photo: by Megan of Megan & Marie