Thursday, April 15, 2010

Desires of the Heart

As I sit here, watching my son sleep, my heart is incredibly HUGE!

For weeks I desired to see Todd for his 19th birthday. Spoke of it with a few people, (ok...whinned about it too) but pretty much hid the desire in my heart as we are recovering from a difficult financial year last year...and the added cost of tuition each month, well - that is something else entirely.

I had, in my heart, resolved to quietly sit at home on April 3rd, speak to Todd on his birthday (while hiding the tears from him of course. Not that I do that well at all...I don't.) and just lay low, let the day pass and make it through some how. I know that there will be birthdays that I do not see him, I was just dreading the fact that it was going to be this one! I was going to keep myself extremely busy - avoiding the pain and void of not seeing my son for his birthday.

I'm grinning as he snores, such a pleasant sound to my heart.

I have my very own Mommie to thank for this gift! I'll never be able to repay her as it is priceless to me. We plan on leaving and NOT telling Todd so he would be surprised for his birthday - and boy, was he was so surprised! I worked it out with his boss, Linda, that we would meet him at the store. (Thank you Linda for your awesome gift of TIME with him!)

He was turning around to do something as we were walking into the store! He had no idea we were coming. The shock, surprise and happiness were all evident as the emotions swept over his heart! The best gift of all - the HUG!! I love hugs and am unashamedly a "hugger". I love real, two armed hugs!! The hug he gave me - priceless!

So, I'm floating through this amazing weekend. Trying to pry my babies out of bed now, so that we can just enjoy the day together. But, I could not resist taking a moment and saying - Happy Birthday Todd. Isn't it just the greatest thing to have such an amazing gift of time?! Yes. I believe it is. Oh, one more thing. You, the readers of this blog, will allow me to indulge and express my complete adoration for my son..right? [nodding, sure you will - and I thank you]

Dearest Todd,

As you lay sleeping and snoring, you are also doing something else. Warming my heart! I have been watching you for hours now, so very thankful for this gift of time with you. You remember when you use to jump up in the mornings and get ready for school as quick as you could, then lay back down with me until the actual time to get up? You'd always hold my hand. I love that. I love how you are fun, how you love to laugh and how wonderful you make us feel when we are around you. I love remembering the little boy that you were, running around in your cowboy boots and diaper only, helping yourself to the last drink of mountain dew and saying "Thanks mommie for sharing with me"...and I love seeing the fine young man that you are growing into today. I love that you still hug and kiss me in public. That is a huge honor!! I'm so proud of you! So proud of the Christian path you are choosing. Choosing because you want to, not because it's what I taught you to do. So proud of how you are seeking God's will for your life. No matter where God's will leads you, you'll be the happiest and have the most JOY, right in the center, as HE will provide a way for you to walk the course He has set for you. I pray you keep seeking God's perfect will for yourself, keep putting one foot in front of the other...step by step, day by day - one problem at a time, one pleasure at a time. Always remember the little things, they truly are the biggest, bestest things ever! I sure do love you son. I simply can not find the words that will express my love and gratitude to the depth that I feel them in my heart.

Love forever and always,


To my very own wonderful Mommie....thank you!! I can only hope to grow up to be half as wonderful as you are!! I love you!

What are the desires you are longing for? Is your heart heavy because you are missing a child in college? Missing a child in the military - or something I can not imagine....are you missing a child, who is in heaven?

We have so many desires of our hearts don't we? Let's take them one at a time. Working towards our goals and desires if we can. If we can't, working with what we have to meet the desires the best we can...just as I had thought I would have to, using skype, cellphone, email and texting. To tell you the truth, had I not been able to visit with Todd, I would have probably contacted him using each one of those means.

Keep plugging away at your dreams and desires. You never know - you simply never know.

You are awake now! Time to get ready for a wonderful day! Love you Todd. I sure do love you lots n bunches!



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